“The day you stop racing is the day you win the race.” — Bob Marley
We are all invested in the future. Constantly thinking about what’s going to happen next, how we get there, and what life is like once we do. The next thing you know, you’ve arrived… only to realize that you’ve already moved on! That’s like hitting the skip button on life, until you hit old age and have nothing left to skip. The present is the only guarantee in life - not the future. Yet, consciously living in the present and enjoying all it has to offer is an art. It requires discipline and practice.
There is a slow and seeping progressiveness to burnout. It can start out by us feeling more exhausted than usual, not having that extra energy to do chores, or the things we love. The dishes pile up, the bills don’t get paid on time, the cat or dog doesn’t get as much attention. Until one day we realize: why does everything just feel like it’s too much? Naturally, there have been times when I started to feel that I was overdoing it (which is why I started writing this article). I started having powerful fantasies of what my life would be like if I just stopped working properly one day… who would take care of my child? How would my husband manage his workload? How would both survive knowing my husband can’t cook?!
Some of us are great at telling ourselves to keep pushing through and ignore the flashing engine light. The show must go on after all, or at least until the power goes out. Burning out in our professional lives also leaves us struggling more in our personal lives. Like a forest where trees are interconnected with each other via their root systems, we are connected to the people around us on a deeper level. This connection can be compromised by environmental factors, such as: STRESS. Once we have burned out it can be a lengthy and wavering road to normality. A close friend of mine who has been trying to recover from a burnout episode for nearly two years, has made small strides and is taking it slow by working on self-compassion first and foremost. She claims that the healing process takes time and needs to happen organically.
To add to the dilemma, we live in a society where it is almost encouraged to burn out. A burnout stands in for having done something substantial, having worked hard. This philosophy laces itself through our personal and societal values, as proven by a famous German folk wisdom. “Von Nichts kommt Nichts” (from nothing, comes nothing). The philosophical translation being: If you don’t work hard, you get what you deserve: Nothing!
The point of living isn’t to be perfect or all-knowing and intuitive. It is to make mistakes and try our best to remain innately curious about ourselves and instilling that sense in others, especially children. We cannot fulfill all the wants and needs society places upon us (as mothers, as fathers, as spouses, professionals, teachers, friends, the list goes on). By merely acknowledging this truth, bricks can be lifted off our shoulders - creating the space to heal by re-framing our personal narrative. It’s O.K. to not be perfect and to feel sadness. As the pace of the world accelerates ever more, society is becoming increasingly disconnected from itself (despite its’ constant attempts to stay connected through social media). When was the last time you paused to ask yourself: “How am I feeling today?”
The emotion of sadness is nothing out of the ordinary unless we make it so. Take children for example, they unapologetically feel sadness all the time. Whether it is because they lost one of their toys, weren’t allowed to have that treat at the grocery store line up, or because they hurt themselves. As adults, we try to suck those feelings in, only to bury them deep down and never let them out. It is somehow frowned upon when adults shed their tears out of frustration and defeat. We fear that it will stress those around us, especially our children. However, I believe that it fosters in them a sense of ‘it is O.K. to not be O.K. sometimes’. This will help them develop healthier relationships with their own emotions as they grow older.
The challenge then lies in refraining from trying to simplify problems that are marked by deep complexity. Being imperfect is part of being a human. Just like love and compassion are part of being human. Just like sadness is, and joy, and fear. When we try to exclude the [less] desirable facets of our humaneness we deny ourselves the right to understand what lies underneath them, leaving us feeling out of touch with ourselves. This in turn leaves us feeling out of touch with the world around us and our role within it. Staying in touch with yourself is a powerful practice that takes dedication as part of good self care hygiene, and it represents an effective way to impede a burnout episode. In exposing what’s underneath and creating the space necessary in order to be vulnerable, we can reconnect to ourselves and our root system.
With care,
~ Dr. C.